Limbo

It's been a while since I wrote, reason being that my brain has turned quite suddenly into soup. Time is simultaneously moving at warp speed and with an agonizing slowness. I am constantly filled with restless energy and an anxious feeling about what lies beyond, or beneath, (if you are looking for a B list Michelle Pfeiffer thriller.)

Friday was my last day of teaching. Heart warming picture of my AE 374 class is included with this blog. I adore them. However, I'm now in an awkward month of grading, proctoring and over thinking. Down time is not the remedy for a person whose fall back existence is in their own head. Consuming thought #1 is my pending unemployment doom. This subsequently leads to thoughts of me living out a "Grey Gardens" existence, sans the happy memories of posh balls and handsome men, and solely avec the tattered wardrobe and intense crazy.

This then lends to the useless self scolding over the fact that these worries about my future are intensely bourgeouis and entitled. That if the future really were a doom i would be concerned with survival and not, you know, happiness.

If you couldn't tell I'm in a strange limbo. It feels like the last days of vacation when you are already thinking about home. Or the first days back home when you are thinking "did I really just spend 2 weeks in Azerbaijan?" Or two months later when you're like "what was that town called again?" I hope that doesn't happen. But isn't it inevitable? Yes perhaps when I am working the Denny's graveyard shift in rural Pennsylvania I will think back to my year in, what's this country called?