Additionally

A pro argument for gay marriage as written by a student in my Conversation class. Loves. 

"...Mostly, we can see famous gays are in entertainment field like Elton John, a famous singer from England.  Thus, it is true that many gays have a special capacity....We all human cannot choose to be born like this or like that." 

What's Happening?

Weekends have turned into less of a time for my leisure activities (whatever those might be) and more of a for intense physical struggle.  Last weekend it was vomit off the side of a mountain. This weekend it was starvation in a nearby province.  

I made a trip with 4 other teachers in the English department to Uttadarit Province a few hours South of Chiang Mai.  We were going to teach English to 4th, 5th, and 6th graders at a weekend English Camp at a school run by one of the Ajarns families.   See above for a charming picture of 4th graders matching school vocabulary with school pictures.  The entire day was about as cute as imaginable.  The kids liked to sing and dance. They also liked my nose which was written on several of their evaluation forms under things they enjoyed from the day: "Ajarn Rena's nose."  Please, call me Rena.  

Their English was limited to memorized songs which they could not recite out of order, and the phrase "Merry Christmas" which was said to me repeatedly as I walked around the school.  I taught them American marvels such as Duck, Duck, Goose and all of them took turns dancing with me during the dancing games.  

How is this an act of survival you might ask?  This was not.  This was bliss.  

What was survival were the housing conditions, or rather the culinary conditions of our 48 hour sojourn.  We were staying with the family of one of the Ajarns.  48 hours in Uttaradit and meals were sparse.  And by sparse I mean they occurred twice.  Breakfast and dinner were completely ignored, even after the 10 hour day of dancing with 9-year-olds.  To bed without supper.  Even when Lauren and I broke down and asked for it we were informed that the nearest food was 20 kilometers away.  

The reasons for our starvation were clearly physical and not financial.  Everyone watched their waistline as they squeezed into their Madonna brand jeans and Lauren and I ate small morsels of granola that had been smashed into the bottom of our backpacks from weeks of being forgotten.  

What they lacked in food they made up for in showers.  I was encouraged to shower so frequently that I ultimately took more showers in this 48 hour span than in a normal week.  

When we left Uttaradit I was intensely clean and starved to the point of potential diabetes.  Amazing Thailand.  

Urgent

This was so pressing I almost blogged from work.  

Thai people are quick to overshare.  In my three and a half months here I have heard more about acquaintances menstrual cycles and have been asked by more strangers about my bowel movements than ever before in my entire life.  

Today a note was left on my desk.  This is the note in it's entirety. 

"Request for sick leave. Aj. Elena. I have diarrhea." 

Request granted. 

More Mayhem

Dear Diary, 

Lets put today in the loss category.  

About a week ago another Ajarn in the office had asked me to do her a favor.  3 girls in her "English for Tour Guides" class were failing and the extra credit work she came up with included them taking me on a tour of Chiang Mai's most famous temple, Doi Suthep, which sits on top of the mountain that flanks Chiang Mai. I agreed to go.  

Today was to be the day of our intrepid voyage.  Details were vague.  Earlier this week a young girl named May had come to my desk to discuss the plan for our trip.  "Ajarn, I will call you and we will make a plan."  I said ok.  English being what it is I interpreted her words to mean, "Ajarn, I will call you and we will make a plan."  Assume nothing. 

Never receiving a call I settled into slumber last night, ready for some much needed rest.  8am the phone rings. "TEACHHHHAAAA WE WAIT FOR YOU! WHERE ARE YOU??" This was the promised phone call.  This was us making plans.  

I threw on some clothes and ran to the gas station where they said they were waiting.  Next thing we were flying up the side of the mountain at warp speeds, every third foot hitting a severe right angle turn or impossibly steep curve. It had been approximately 3 minutes since I left my bed. Roughly 3 minutes after that I got intensely car sick and they had to pull over to the side of the road for me to throw up.  I had been awake for six minutes and I was vomiting off the side of a mountain.  Not quite the Sunday morning I envisioned. 

The rest of the morning consisted of me in various stages of vomit.  I vaguely remember the temple.  

Additionally.  Favorite student error of the day. Found while I was correcting their write-ups on diseases.  "Insomnia is a very complicated process involving body and Brian." 

yes. 

Tutor Me

I meet with my Thai tutor twice a week.  Every time I see her I understand more and more what my students must feel like.  

Thai conversation 

Surat: Hello Elena! How are you! asonsoinaoisnalksaoidnfusodundoidodsufnsfnsdbudnsoindsoindsiufbsdiudbin?

Elena: Hello Surat. I'm fine. [silence]

Surat: oidnoasindoasuniunaldmoiasjdiausbdknkdfusndfksun

Elena: I don't understand.  

Surat: aosidnasodns? 

Elena: [silence followed by giggles]

Conversation with Students from my General English Class

Student: Teachaaaaaaaaaa

Elena: yes? How are you?

Student: I'm fine teachaaaaaaa

Elena: Do you have a question?

Student: [silence followed by giggles]

Elena: Question? question? confused?

Student: [silence]

Elena: ok?

Student: bye bye teachaaaaaaaa

Strikingly similar. bye bye teachaaaaa.

Not Such a Human

I would like to meet the Thai man who decided that one room set-ups with beds and stools were appropriate "apartment" options.  My stool/bed situation is getting to me and the housing hunt is back on.  

What I have found is more stool/bed situations in different locations with varying degrees of cleanliness to boast of and a wide cast of landladies.  All in odd track suits.  All with names like Lom or Om. 

Recently my student Mac (changed mid semester from Mc when I told him Mc was awkward) described a rapist as "A man who did it, not such a human."  That is exactly how I feel about the man who determined the Chiang Mai housing options.  "Not such a human." 

My repoire with my students has evolved over the course of the semester from strange girl-woman standing at the front of the room to constant banter and teasing between me and my class.  This makes things interesting.  

In one class my students recently discovered my age.  This made things even more interesting. Foolishly I left my work-permit laying on the table, my birthdate temptingly printed inside.  Next thing I know the entire class was screaming "1987!" I had no idea what this number meant until one of the more proficient speakers pointed at herself with wide eyes and side "1985. You 1987."  There was a moment of horror as we started at eachother.  

Funny thing is I think they like me more now.  They bow even lower.  This could be mockery.  

In another class I had a meltdown when all of my students were 25 minutes late.  I screamed.  I scolded. I carried on.  The next day I was three minutes late to class.  They were all there on time.  Scrawled across the blackboard when I entered the room were the words, "Teacher you are late!!" Touchez English 215.  

Another moment from my bag of tricks.  On Friday I made a student laugh so hard I thought I was going to have to resuscitate him.  What did I do? I said, "hush, hush."  This was way too much for him. He was crying.  And not just mild tears, but huge teardrops rolling down his face as he buckled over the desk repeating "hush, hush!"  This in turn made the rest of us join his laughter.  We all said "hush, hush" for about 5 minutes and then class resumed as normal.  

I think to my students I'm finally becoming a little more of a human.   

'Porn' in Thai, a common name. 'Porn' in America a nameless commonality.

A few things happened today (I taught, I suffered through 4 hours in the immigration office, I ate a few fried eggs) but by far the most life-changing was the fact that I caught my sweet, little, charming, wide-eyed landlord looking at quite scandalous porn.  Oh Mr. Chiang Mai Lodge, how you have ruined my image of you in your pink shirt.  

The rest of the day was a blur of the non-sensical.  3 people in a side-car crowd-surfing a large statue of a marshmallow, a hysterical student running to my desk to ask me the definition of 'co-anchor', being summoned to the immigration desk as "Ms. Elena. United States of America," which made me feel like I was representing the nation during a ceremonial moment of morning pandemonium.  

I am also losing my English abilities. (bad stuff Ajarn.) I now regularly say things like, "My shirt is green color," and "Yes I go market."  

Thank you Thailand. Kahp khun kah.